If we come from a place of inner lack, children will trigger our “buttons” all too often and healthy relationships will become impossible. And we can only create such relationships if we have attended to our own emotional pain. It has been proven neurobiologically that creating attuned, nurturing relationships with our children determines their health and wellness – their ability to thrive in the world. The time is now: to answer our call to our own awakening. Tsabary proposes, to which we are able to know ourselves – the extent to which we are able to love deeply, laugh loudly, risk bravely and lose freely is the extent to which our children will know joy and freedom. Instead, it is time to “turn things around”. If we are not aware of our emotions and unhealthy thoughts, we will only project our own issues onto our children. The extent to which we know ourselves and become familiar with our own pain and inadequacies is the extent to which we can truly connect with our children. And to do this, we must start with ourselves. And where we hold the most power for progress in parent/child interaction is in the creation of nurturing relationships with our children. Tsabary urges, to sit up, pay attention, and raise our children differently. A UNICEF study shows our children, in the U.S., to be the second unhappiest children in the world. Sadly, research shows that one in five children in the United States shows signs of psychological disturbance. She goes on to say that this is where global consciousness begins: with us and how we parent. She believes that this could be the call to action that determines how a child thrives.

Tsabary proposes that we occupy parenthood with heightened awareness, renewed curiosity and a transformed commitment. Parents hold great power in a parent-child relationship and, to a great degree, determine the health, happiness, strength and well-being of their children. This is tragic and yet it happens all the time.

Rather than embracing a healthy voice for himself, this man only hears the negative words of his late father. In the example above, this gentleman has “internalized” the words of his strict father who called him a “loser”. Tsabary discusses what can emotionally paralyze our children as well as what can enable a young person to be a thriving success. Tsabary, a clinical psychologist with a private practice in New York, begins her talk by sharing several powerful examples of the lifelong burdens many people carry, such as that of a grown man who asked her: “When will I ever meet my father’s expectations? Will I ever stop being a loser?” His father died many years ago. In this TEDxSF on Conscious Parenting, Shefali Tsabary Ph.D., gives a compelling and deeply stirring presentation on the importance of raising our children with awareness, attunement, respect and love.

Dr shefali the conscious parent